13. Heroes From The PastDramorrarl stands in front of the colossal statue. His students are surrounding him for this “extra academic” teaching. He is going to call upon the heroic spirit that will bestow upon the Titan’s body. He begins the incantations, and hopes that Orl’Hontvar is going to answer his call. -“Lontumoster, Mundaus Mortificus! Collstivarios, Aladgnomarib, Hontos Oh’himaeb Orl’Hontvar!” Arcane energies surrounds the place, Dramorrarl don’t remember quite well how to continue from here, usually he had already left to let the other mages finish the job… - I… call… upon?13. Heroes From The Past
12. Great Defeat and DeceptionThere has been three days since they left the woods, the sylvan armies marching forward. Endithier was leading his part. Luanter had survived, but he wasn’t going to be fine for six months. The thought of a wraith invading sylvan territory still haunted Endithier’s mind, although all Endithier knows for sure about wraiths and wights is that they are terrible, terrible creatures that like to prey on the living. And that’s about all Endithier hopes to ever know about these things. Ezaviel, the disguised Archangel, looks tired. He can’t keep the pace very well, usually having to mount Endithier’s unicorn, and that’s why Endithier is on foo12. Great Defeat and Deception
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~[H.K] - ハイデ★吸血鬼~
Member of G3Pen Manga
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In a world at the brink of destruction, one wizard is the only with an idea of how to save it. And it depends on joining the most powerful spellcasters and magicians of rival forms of magic in a single ultimate spell.
Check Heroes Fables at my deviant
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In a world at the brink of destruction, one wizard is the only with an idea of how to save it. And it depends on joining the most powerful spellcasters and magicians of rival forms of magic in a single ultimate spell.
Check Heroes Fables at my deviant
But you said you wanted some critic, so I tried to find sometihng, although I didn't concentrate fully on it and only found two things.
1. The way you bend (?) words som words. For instance you say bitted in one place, instead of bit.
2. Only noticed it twice in two chapters, but dues to my teacher it still annoys me. Repeating the same word soon after each other. Think it was something like "killed twin zombies with his twin swords".
But usually you don't do those mistakes, although I noticed a few of the "bending" errors, so I guess it's just a matter of not trusting the automatical dictionary thingies on word, and staying focused while correcting (it seemed liek there were very few mistakes in the beginning, but aroudn the middle there came more and then they gradually diminished again, the same as with my essays
For the writing itself I can't sem to think of so much. Except that you earlier said something about "like in every other book" to which I would liek to say watch out. You've got a great way of explaining things, and it is in some ways different from the norm, your own style, and I would prefeer you to develope more of your own style, rather than looking too much to other books for help.
Oh, and on the comment of "like every other book" it was a lesson of trial and error. Basically, empiric learning. I noticed a lot of people got confused with dialogues before when I thought it was perfectly clear who was talking. Then I tried that disastrous /End/ thing that looked ugly. So now I'm going with narrating "who the hell is talking when", although I don't appreciate the loss of instensity I had to pay, at least I will secure my passages from being missunderstood.
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Tinta nankim no sangue e scanner no concerto!
Anyway, I thank Guilherme Briggs for his answer (I hope you actually visited my deviant, but looks like you didn't, calling me by Sandro... up there, Ryan... still not my real name, but... alright, I promisse I will put my real name, eventually).
And PLEASE. I want comments (actually, critics) on my writting, because anything else is close to useless in making me improve my writting, and that's what I'm seeking the most here at Deviant Art. It needed someone from the outside to point out in the original forums it was written that I always forgot to point out who was talking. And, after a few trieouts, I figured the better was just to point out after the sentences, mean, like in any book. CRITICIZE ME!
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